Monday, April 4, 2011

July 2, 2007. That was the day I lost my virginity. I wish I could tell you it was to the love of my life or my high school sweetheart or even my boyfriend for 3 years, 8 months and 13 days but, it wasn't. It was to this guy who I had flirted with for a couple months at this local gay club. I remember being bent over in the bathroom stall trying to convince myself that the pain was normal, that it would go away soon. I spent a lot of time assuring myself as a teen that pain wasn't real, that it could be pushed away and ignored and masked with the imitation of pleasure. I remember going home with a sense of relief. I had finally got it over with. Being a 19 year old virgin was hard for me, mainly because I grew up with, presumably, all straight male cousins who had lost their virginity years earlier. I felt like a bad boy for once in my life and It felt good!

Hell, being out FELT GOOD! The next weekend my "hook-up" was there with his boyfriend. That was my big welcome to the gay world. You have to understand, I grew up in a not so large city in the state of New York. The only gay person I knew was this transgendered prostitute that was a roommate with my crazy ass aunt.

A few months later I got involved with this guy who was officially my first boyfriend. I had just moved to DC and finally was becoming comfortable with my sexuality. He and I did the usually boyfriend things, hung out with friends, went to movies, out on dates, sleep over at each other's places. It was a really cute first REAL relationship for me. Then I got this message on Myspace...

"You dumb as f**k" was the subject line. Apparently my then boyfriend a few weeks prior to us getting together was in talks with this boy about moving to NYC to be with him and living happily ever after. After exchanging a few messages back and forth the boy gave me his number. I called him up and to be quite honest the only thing I remember is the very last part of the conversation. Right before he angrily hung up he shouted out, "I hope you playin' safe because Julian is positive..." be continued.