Tuesday, December 30, 2008
If you've read my blog before you'd know I'm doing this celibacy thing and have been for the past 7, going on 8, months. So needles to say, I didn't get any Christmas "nookie" lol. Which I honestly think sucks! I mean I'm a good guy, I treat people with respect, I work, I go to school, I think I'm attractive and not to many people have disagreed. So why haven't I been able to find what I'm looking for.
I've been told I need to stop looking, and I stopped for awhile but, the expectation of someone just falling on my laps is ridiculous! I'm gay and gay guys don't just grow on gay trees, especially the good ones. *Checks BGC* Sigh...I'm about a week and a half away from giving up.
I realize something just now, almost all my post are about me being lonely...Wow...But it honestly consumes my every waking moment.
It's the holiday's and I should be cheerful, but I have no one to cheer for. Sometimes I think life would be easier if I were straight...
Forgive this post, it's not really focused.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
I don't know
I mean, that's not all I want from him. When I think about him it's not in a sexual way. I see us cuddled up watching a movie together, or in the club dancing together. At the park or whatever.
But why him?
He's different, he's honest for one thing, he has told me things that most people would have just took to the grave with them. I feel like his diary sometimes. Which I love.
He's been through a lot over the years.
I'm not 100% sure how he feels about me at this point. Which is mostly why I haven't opened up and told him about my feelings. I don't want to jeopardize the relationship we have right now.
I'll be 21 in a few months, and I haven't been able to sustain a relationship for more then a few months. Its not suppose to be that way, there never planned to end shortly. I see myself together with them for always. That's what I see for him. Yet, that's not what happens.
So I'm just gonna let the cards land where they may...I think that's how the saying goes...
Til we meet again...sigh...Dherek.
Monday, November 17, 2008
The Story: (Half of it anyway)
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
I'm just excited, this is historical whether or not Obama wins. My first ever presidential vote was for a man of color...that's all I feel like talking about right now.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
I sorta feel like I've found him. He's someone I've known for a little while. We became friends when my ex and I were going through our little drama. He's always been a good supportive friend. The gagger this time is he's the one who's actually pursuing me. It's kind of weird, because I'm not use to that. Well, I'm not use to being pursued by someone I'm actually attracted to. It's new, It makes me giggle, I feel my cunt with this one. lol.
Aww, that put a smile on my face.
Wow, I just realized I have something to wake up for tomorrow.
Omg I haven't "touched" myself in two days. I must be sick....
Monday, October 27, 2008
About a month or so ago, I decided to grow my hair out. Right now its really curly and cute. I actually got a compliment on it today.
Hmm, lets see what else.
These past two days all I've been eating is trail mix(monster mix of course) and water. I'm definitely eating a big breakfast tomorrow morning.
Ugh, I have no life. Honestly guys, I sit at this computer all damn day.
Well I'm off to go get my "one a day" in and hit the sack. lmao, laters!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
I don't feel like posting any pictures. so just use your imagination.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I lost someone very special to me. I know my flaws, i really do. I feel like nothing now. I'm the biggest flirt I know. and its not that I want these guys. I just find something nice to say about everyone. I always made you feel wanted right? But I didn't get that from you. It was like you were just going through the emotions. You were so cold sometimes. I feel alone. All I want is to feel wanted, and loved, and appreciated. Pick up the phone and call me, text me whatever! Just let me know you care. You were the first person I thought about when I woke up, and the last person I thought about when I went to sleep. Hopeless. Didn't I love you enough? wasn't my touch soft enough? I want to be angry with you. I know its weird, but how else do you mend a broken heart? How do you let go of those feelings of hopefullness for a better tomorrow with the one I loved. Damnit I Loved you! Why the fuck didn't you love me!? *exhales* Bullshit! if you loved me we would still be together! Why aren't you here? why am I alone? why do i still love you??
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Today... I feel kind of...lonely.
You know that lonely you feel when you think of someone you really like?
Yeah, that kind of lonely.
The lonely you know would go away if they would just look your way. "Hey..." you would say, "...how are you?", they would look you in your eyes and say "i'm better now". LOL you would do.
Writing this makes me lonely.
"Lonelyyy, Mister lonelyyyyy, I have no bodyyyy..."
Is the song that plays in my head. Almost like my mind is saying. Ah Ha, youuu suck! :P.
Its not everyday I feel this way.
I swear its not.
Just when he's not around.
..Hey..here he comes
......."How are you"
......." I'm cool"
.......there he goes....
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
Fonzworth Bentley, born Derek Watkins, is a hip hop artist, entertainer, and Fashion Designer, best known for being a personal assistant to P. Diddy. He is currently the host of the MTV's reality show From G's to Gents.
I have admired this Man of Monday for quite sometime now.
His style, his demeanor, his looks, ahhh his everything! Girls get
Saturday, August 16, 2008
I have are really good sense of humor. Love depresses me sometimes. I question my motives at times,
I believe myself to be a very genuine person, I just can be a little selfish when it comes to my wants. I have this unbelievable love towards everyone, I'm kinda Godly in that manner(is that blasphemy?). I'm very blunt when its needed. I stick up for the little guy at all cost. People underestimate me a lot, which is kind of sad I guess. I sometimes have image issues. I get used a lot by my 'friends', I would resent them for it, but deep inside I know it validates me. I don't have the ability to hide or mask my emotions. I very approachable. In my head the world revolves around me. Its kind of like the Truman show, I don't think I'm the only person who feels this way tho. I cry at movies. I want to be friends with everyone, but I don't think everyone wants to be friends with me. I'm not the most popular guy around, I don't have a thousand or so friends on myspace or any other site for that matter, but every person I come into contact with matters to me. Some days it might not seem that way, I do have bad days. I survived a tumor, yay me. I hate it when ppl worry, which is why I tend to carry a lot of heavy heavy issues on my own. I make it tho. Glory to God. OMG I love music! Brandy is my fav, I like Beyonce too, So please no shade Beyonce fans. lol. R&B and Neo-soul are what I mostly get into. I have a pretty good singing voice, I also enjoy acting. I use to be a club person, now i'm pretty much a home body. I sometime can be a porn addict lol, I'm seeing someone about that tho. :D,