Monday, April 4, 2011

July 2, 2007. That was the day I lost my virginity. I wish I could tell you it was to the love of my life or my high school sweetheart or even my boyfriend for 3 years, 8 months and 13 days but, it wasn't. It was to this guy who I had flirted with for a couple months at this local gay club. I remember being bent over in the bathroom stall trying to convince myself that the pain was normal, that it would go away soon. I spent a lot of time assuring myself as a teen that pain wasn't real, that it could be pushed away and ignored and masked with the imitation of pleasure. I remember going home with a sense of relief. I had finally got it over with. Being a 19 year old virgin was hard for me, mainly because I grew up with, presumably, all straight male cousins who had lost their virginity years earlier. I felt like a bad boy for once in my life and It felt good!

Hell, being out FELT GOOD! The next weekend my "hook-up" was there with his boyfriend. That was my big welcome to the gay world. You have to understand, I grew up in a not so large city in the state of New York. The only gay person I knew was this transgendered prostitute that was a roommate with my crazy ass aunt.

A few months later I got involved with this guy who was officially my first boyfriend. I had just moved to DC and finally was becoming comfortable with my sexuality. He and I did the usually boyfriend things, hung out with friends, went to movies, out on dates, sleep over at each other's places. It was a really cute first REAL relationship for me. Then I got this message on Myspace...

"You dumb as f**k" was the subject line. Apparently my then boyfriend a few weeks prior to us getting together was in talks with this boy about moving to NYC to be with him and living happily ever after. After exchanging a few messages back and forth the boy gave me his number. I called him up and to be quite honest the only thing I remember is the very last part of the conversation. Right before he angrily hung up he shouted out, "I hope you playin' safe because Julian is positive..." be continued.

No comments: