Emotions

I lost someone very special to me. I know my flaws, i really do. I feel like nothing now. I'm the biggest flirt I know. and its not that I want these guys. I just find something nice to say about everyone. I always made you feel wanted right? But I didn't get that from you. It was like you were just going through the emotions. You were so cold sometimes. I feel alone. All I want is to feel wanted, and loved, and appreciated. Pick up the phone and call me, text me whatever! Just let me know you care. You were the first person I thought about when I woke up, and the last person I thought about when I went to sleep. Hopeless. Didn't I love you enough? wasn't my touch soft enough? I want to be angry with you. I know its weird, but how else do you mend a broken heart? How do you let go of those feelings of hopefullness for a better tomorrow with the one I loved. Damnit I Loved you! Why the fuck didn't you love me!? *exhales* Bullshit! if you loved me we would still be together! Why aren't you here? why am I alone? why do i still love you??

Leaky wounds.

Okay so last night my boyfriend and I finally decided to call it quits. Our relationship had been on the rocks for quite some time. We weren't communicating to each other like we should have been. My issue was he had no trust for me, boyfriends from his past caused him to have walls up when it came towards building a new relationship with someone, and me being who I am, this all around nice guy who takes time out to make everyone feel good, made it even more difficult for him to trust me. So I'll take my blame in us ending. Even though it was I who gave the ultimatum, us ending was not what I wanted. I loved him with every part of me that I could, it just wasn't enough for him I guess.

Ouch!

Well I had my surgery the other day, and after spending two days in the hospital i'm finally home. I can't say its a relief though, not yet, something happened during my hospital stay. It was something that was suppose to work out for my better, hopefully it still will. its just going to take a lot of prayer , and a lot more patience. I haven't really been saying much about my surgery, I had a large bone cyst in my humerus bone. This was the second surgery on my arm this summer, my third surgery of the summer, I have a 6" scar down the front of my arm now. yeah it sucks, so forgive my writing style at this moment, i know its kind of messy.

Lonely

Today... I feel kind of...lonely.

You know that lonely you feel when you think of someone you really like?

Yeah, that kind of lonely.

The lonely you know would go away if they would just look your way. "Hey..." you would say, "...how are you?", they would look you in your eyes and say "i'm better now". LOL you would do.

Writing this makes me lonely.

"Lonelyyy, Mister lonelyyyyy, I have no bodyyyy..."

Is the song that plays in my head. Almost like my mind is saying. Ah Ha, youuu suck! :P.

*sigh*

Its not everyday I feel this way.

I swear its not.

Just when he's not around.

..Hey..here he comes

......."Hey"

......."Hey"

......."How are you"

......." I'm cool"

...."Cool"

.......there he goes....

*exhales*

Lonely...

A Loving Soul

Today I had to get an ultra-sound done, and then I had to go to the hospital to go get some pre-testing done for a surgery I'm having tomorrow.

Last night I told my friend I had a crush on him, lets just say it didn't go as well as i hoped it would. lol. Oh well, I've moved on. But it did cause me to think of a few things, like whether or not I believe in soul mates. Honestly I don't think I do. Don't get me wrong, I believe there's someone for everyone,but the notion that there's a designated someone and only he will bring me eternal happiness, is just silly to me. I believe that if you want something with someone your going to have to work for it. Of course love shouldn't be forced, but I think its more giving then we allow it to be. Idk...

School Girl Crush.

Last night I went to a friends house. I kind of been crushing on this friend for a lil while. Its really strange, anyone who knows me will tell you I don't "crush" on dudes, If I like you, you know it. Ugh! when I was sitting on his couch he came out the kitchen with a condom wrapper in his hand, jokingly sayin he must of forgot to clean that one up. It was not cute. He talked about how the guy just gave him oral and thats all they did, but I couldn't help but think how much I wanted that to be me...I know, whore.

Man of Monday

Today's Man of Monday is:

Fonzworth Bentley.

Fonzworth Bentley, born Derek Watkins, is a hip hop artist, entertainer, and Fashion Designer, best known for being a personal assistant to P. Diddy. He is currently the host of the MTV's reality show From G's to Gents.

I have admired this Man of Monday for quite sometime now.
His style, his demeanor, his looks, ahhh his everything! Girls get
into it!

More...

Introductions

I'm a 20 year old Junior at Howard University. I'm a Psychology Major, but i've been really considering going into nursing. I usually get along with everyone. I can be quite at times, sometimes I'm a little childish, its a good type of childish tho. I laugh at myself sometimes.
I have are really good sense of humor. Love depresses me sometimes. I question my motives at times,
I believe myself to be a very genuine person, I just can be a little selfish when it comes to my wants. I have this unbelievable love towards everyone, I'm kinda Godly in that manner(is that blasphemy?). I'm very blunt when its needed. I stick up for the little guy at all cost. People underestimate me a lot, which is kind of sad I guess. I sometimes have image issues. I get used a lot by my 'friends', I would resent them for it, but deep inside I know it validates me. I don't have the ability to hide or mask my emotions. I very approachable. In my head the world revolves around me. Its kind of like the Truman show, I don't think I'm the only person who feels this way tho. I cry at movies. I want to be friends with everyone, but I don't think everyone wants to be friends with me. I'm not the most popular guy around, I don't have a thousand or so friends on myspace or any other site for that matter, but every person I come into contact with matters to me. Some days it might not seem that way, I do have bad days. I survived a tumor, yay me. I hate it when ppl worry, which is why I tend to carry a lot of heavy heavy issues on my own. I make it tho. Glory to God. OMG I love music! Brandy is my fav, I like Beyonce too, So please no shade Beyonce fans. lol. R&B and Neo-soul are what I mostly get into. I have a pretty good singing voice, I also enjoy acting. I use to be a club person, now i'm pretty much a home body. I sometime can be a porn addict lol, I'm seeing someone about that tho. :D,