Friends, ones we can depend on!

I felt like introducing you to the only friends I really have in this wretched city I live in.

Ladies first...

This is my wifey Cari. Cari and I were in this musical we both did my senior year of high school, starring me of course, Cari is the only girl who I allow to get me together on a regular basis. We decided to get married when I go straight in about fifthteen years. Cause who wants to be old and gay???? lol. Right now she's studying at some big design school in Chicago with plans to transfer to Syracuse University on a perfermance arts scholarship she won.

Then there's Ryan aka Ken Kardashian.

I love Ryan like a brother. We meet about a year ago, and every since then we've be unstoppable! lol. Ryan aka Ken is besides him being such a blonde, he's the most like me out of all my friends. Its often rumored that were together, not true.

Mr. Kiry

Kiry and I have known each other for a couple of years but, until recently I didn't really consider him a friend. He's a good kid, he always seems to have bad break-ups though. Umm, the only thing I can really say about Kiry is he's one of only people here that can dress. For someone who has lived here all of his life, his style falls outside of the typical.

And then there's my "trade" best friend Joe...

This picture makes me laugh....

To the untrained eye he gives "boy" and for the most part

he is but, Joe is a cunt lol j/k. He gives the boys what they want I guess. I tell him this all the time but, I don't see it.

lol Joe and I have been friends since 9th grade when we failed Mr. Rotondo's Math class, I mean everyone else was doing it. That's seven years though. He's the one friend I know I can always count on no matter what. I've told my deepest darkest secrets, and someone tells me his lol.

I have other friends here but, none that have been consistant as these four.

Next time I'll do the national friends list! lol

Christmas sucks! Random thinkings...

So Christmas was a few days ago, some friends and I went out to eat Christmas night due to the club we wanted to go to being closed. I had a date Christmas Eve which was really nice. I paid for the whole date but, it was my pleasure doing so. I picked him up from work and we went to the movies and to Denny's. I know, we tried to go to Applebee's but it was Christmas Eve and everything was closed, we had a good time and that's all that matters right?
If you've read my blog before you'd know I'm doing this celibacy thing and have been for the past 7, going on 8, months. So needles to say, I didn't get any Christmas "nookie" lol. Which I honestly think sucks! I mean I'm a good guy, I treat people with respect, I work, I go to school, I think I'm attractive and not to many people have disagreed. So why haven't I been able to find what I'm looking for.
I've been told I need to stop looking, and I stopped for awhile but, the expectation of someone just falling on my laps is ridiculous! I'm gay and gay guys don't just grow on gay trees, especially the good ones. *Checks BGC* Sigh...I'm about a week and a half away from giving up.

I realize something just now, almost all my post are about me being lonely...Wow...But it honestly consumes my every waking moment.

It's the holiday's and I should be cheerful, but I have no one to cheer for. Sometimes I think life would be easier if I were straight...

Forgive this post, it's not really focused.

*Loudly Sighs.

So, I've been sort of busy these past few weeks. I started working at Wal-Mart, been doing the school thing, and between those two I've really haven't had time for much else. I kind of have this situation though, there's this guy, who I've been talking to for a while now, just as friends, but I've gotten really close to him. I'm kind of infatuated with him at his point. I wake up and he's the first person I think about, he's the last person I text before I go to bed. The thing is, he lives hundreds of miles away(this is where I sigh). I've done the long distant relationship before, and it was cool and all, but I want something more. And, its not about the sex, at this point in my life, that's not what I want...for the most part. I mean it's been 7 months, a good piece would be nice...Okay it is about the sex, but not like what you think. I can't really explain it, but I want to have contact with someone. I long for it, I dream about it, I lust after it.

I don't know

I mean, that's not all I want from him. When I think about him it's not in a sexual way. I see us cuddled up watching a movie together, or in the club dancing together. At the park or whatever.

But why him?

He's different, he's honest for one thing, he has told me things that most people would have just took to the grave with them. I feel like his diary sometimes. Which I love.

He's been through a lot over the years.

I'm not 100% sure how he feels about me at this point. Which is mostly why I haven't opened up and told him about my feelings. I don't want to jeopardize the relationship we have right now.

I'll be 21 in a few months, and I haven't been able to sustain a relationship for more then a few months. Its not suppose to be that way, there never planned to end shortly. I see myself together with them for always. That's what I see for him. Yet, that's not what happens.

So I'm just gonna let the cards land where they may...I think that's how the saying goes...

Til we meet again...sigh...Dherek.

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