*Loudly Sighs.

So, I've been sort of busy these past few weeks. I started working at Wal-Mart, been doing the school thing, and between those two I've really haven't had time for much else. I kind of have this situation though, there's this guy, who I've been talking to for a while now, just as friends, but I've gotten really close to him. I'm kind of infatuated with him at his point. I wake up and he's the first person I think about, he's the last person I text before I go to bed. The thing is, he lives hundreds of miles away(this is where I sigh). I've done the long distant relationship before, and it was cool and all, but I want something more. And, its not about the sex, at this point in my life, that's not what I want...for the most part. I mean it's been 7 months, a good piece would be nice...Okay it is about the sex, but not like what you think. I can't really explain it, but I want to have contact with someone. I long for it, I dream about it, I lust after it.

I don't know

I mean, that's not all I want from him. When I think about him it's not in a sexual way. I see us cuddled up watching a movie together, or in the club dancing together. At the park or whatever.

But why him?

He's different, he's honest for one thing, he has told me things that most people would have just took to the grave with them. I feel like his diary sometimes. Which I love.

He's been through a lot over the years.

I'm not 100% sure how he feels about me at this point. Which is mostly why I haven't opened up and told him about my feelings. I don't want to jeopardize the relationship we have right now.

I'll be 21 in a few months, and I haven't been able to sustain a relationship for more then a few months. Its not suppose to be that way, there never planned to end shortly. I see myself together with them for always. That's what I see for him. Yet, that's not what happens.

So I'm just gonna let the cards land where they may...I think that's how the saying goes...

Til we meet again...sigh...Dherek.